Today I just feel like a dork

My name is Jean and I am writing a book about women's sexuality & orgasm. It is challenging some days. I feel like I'm an adult going through puberty again ... learning about myself and my sexuality. Today I just feel like a dork really.

It is challenging going into an interview without a set of questions. But I want each interview to be unique, and so I don't have a script or even decide beforehand what I'm going to ask them. I am in the moment, spontaneous, listening. And, yes, I am frightened sometimes that I will say something really stupid and sound completely ignorant. And I've done both, so you'd think I'd be more comfortable with the whole thing now.

It really pushes my sense of comfort to talk to a wide variety of people about their clit, their sex life and who they like to sleep with. It's not so much the sex part that triggers me ... it's more the cool factor - like I'm afraid that they will be disappointed with the questions I ask, or that I won't really see them for who they are and I will come across as patronizing, or I just won't be "cool" -- i.e. I will be the dork asking them incredibly personal questions and they will be like, "This is ridiculous. Why should I even answer your questions?" This has not happened to me - at least no one has said these things out loud!

In reality, the women have been really amazing and have imparted incredible knowledge, interesting stories and genuine feelings. They have even expressed how much they got out ot the interview and that it was very enlightening talking about their sex life.

There is a deep intimacy that comes during the interviews, usually, when you click and really start talking about this stuff. And just like with intimacy with sex, there is sometimes the awkwardness, the dorky feelings, and the insecurities. And that is where I'm at tonight.